have yourself a merry little christmas...

tonight i drove through my home town. the town that my great-great-grandfather founded. the town that i lived in all through high school and where i went back to during college. the town that for the most part i have called home. and while doing so, i blared christmas music the whole time and sang every song at the top of my lungs. and i remembered what christmas was all about.

i remembered baking and decorating sugar cookies. i remembered all the different people who got to celebrate christmas with me. i remembered cramming my entire family into the car and going to look at christmas lights. i remembered not being able to go to sleep at night because my stocking was going to be overflowing when i woke up. i remembered spending hours decorating the christmas tree just the way my mom wanted it. i remembered that it snowed this time last year. i remembered that i as i got older i started to realize how fun it was to watch other people open the gifts you picked out for them. i remembered the way my dad would try and wrap things so i wouldn't guess what was inside. i remembered the smell of my mom cooking christmas dinner and what it was like to sit at "the grown up table" for the first time. and most of all, i remembered how important it is to remember these things.

it was like christmas had slapped me in the face with a reality check. all of the sudden i felt like a christmas miracle and that some angel had just showed me what life would be like if i had never been born. (only without snow and the attempt to jump off the local bridge into freezing water.) the christmas spirit finally, truly surfaced in me.

sadly, while i was doing all of this reminiscing i realized that it will not happen again any time soon. during my drive down memory lane i had to say goodbye. i realized that it's going to be a while before i return to "my part of town" and spend time in the places i grew up. but i also realized that everything that happened there was a step toward the place i am now. without everything that took place up until this second i would not be as lucky as i am.

i would elaborate on my christmas eve revelations, but it is late...and rumor has it that a man often referred to as "santa clause" or "saint nick" will be visiting tonight. so, off to bed i go. but...not without a christmas carol for my readers (for those of you not celebrating christmas, please replace all "christmases" with whatever holiday is most appropriate and alter any traditions as need be):

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on, our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
From now on, our troubles will be miles away.

Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more.

Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.
And have yourself
A merry little Christmas now.

i just wanted to share a bit of cuteness with the world...

last night my sister wrote a last minute letter to santa in order to tell him some things she wanted that weren't on her first list. it included a cotton candy machine, some strange thing called "boom shoes" (anybody got a clue?), a book about a dancing pig, and my favorite: one of santa's elves (spelled "elfs"). this is how the conversation between my mom and katie went:

me & mom: santa can't give you an elf because he needs them to work for him.
katie: but he'll have fun with me!
me & mom: well, what are you going to do with him?
katie: play with him and take him to school and show him.
me & mom: where will he live? in the closet?
katie: no! in my room with me. he'll be my friend.
me & mom: elves aren't toys you know.
katie: i know.
me & mom: you know, it's too warm for him here. he needs lots of snow and ice to make him happy. he's used to the north pole
katie: well...then he can live in the freezer!

oh the cute innocence of a child...

home for the holidays...

tomorrow i will get on a plane to return to texas (wasn't i just there?). home for the holidays. too bad i can't record a blog to play for you, because without that you can't really hear all of the exhaustion, frustration, and weakness in my voice.

i haven't even left yet and i'm stressed out. you know, up until now the holidays have always been such a wonderful time of year for me. for the past 4 years i've just thrown my belongings in the back of my 4-runner, driven 3 hours, and settled in for a month of watching tv, seeing old friends, and chillin' with my dog on the couch. before that i just enjoyed a 3 week vacation from school that included lots of sugar and decorating.

not so this time. over the past week i have grown more and more irritable due to the fact that i have to stuff 2 weeks of clothing into a suitcase, plan out my schedule for when i'm going to see everyone, and figure out how i'm going to get my gifts to/from texas. now don't misunderstand me, i love that i've moved here and i love my family and friends and the fact that i'm getting to see them - it's just that the process to get to that point is a big, fat pain in the ass.

part of me is screaming "I QUIT!!!" and wants to curl up into a ball and stay in my nice, cozy, semi-warm apartment with my fake tree that has 5 ornaments on it and my two wonderful kitties and watch old christmas movies, ignoring the fact that santa is coming in a week. ugh.

i'm not trying to be a grinch here, really. i'm sure if anybody reading this has lived a plane-ride away from home they understand. i'm sure anybody with divorced parents knows that the holidays are a time of driving all over the damned place so you can stuff your face with yet another plate of holiday fatness. and surely anybody who has to deal with a combonation of those, plus trying to manage ways to see your best friends you miss dearly somewhere in all that can sympathise with me. right?

you know, i have a solution to it all, i really do. it's called: i'm going to sit on my ass next year and make everyone visit me. hell, i'd even cook christmas dinner. and you know i don't cook, much less really even want to. but i would...i would cook like a mad woman if i didn't have to go through the agony of preparing for this trip home tomorrow.

but, unfortunately i
(a) don't have a place big enough to hold all of the people i love,
(b) really am kinda excited about going home even though i have to share a bed with my 7 year old sister and 80 lb dog,
(c) already have non-refundable plane tickets
and (e) really, really, really don't want to cook that much food.

so, tomorrow i will fly back to the lone star state and turn my scroogey attitude around. hell, i already know that the minute i see my mom's christmas tree and smell sugar cookies baking i'll throw my santa hat on, turn up the christmas music, and forget all the things i've been bitching about.

merry christmas, y'all!

23...

"i am 23." i've been rolling the phrase over my tongue for the past few days...getting used to my new age. the new answer to "are you really old enough to buy wine?" and "what year (in college) are you?" and i have to say, so far so good.

i had a wonderful birthday this year. granted, it was my first one outside of texas and i was kind of worried what it would be like to have a birthday that didn't include sleeping until 11am, starting drinking at noon, skipping my classes, napping at dinner time, and partying until the wee hours of the morning with my bestest friends. but...never fear, it all turned out okay.

upon waking up i got a present from tim- a soft, pink bath robe. while it was hard to actually get dressed and not stay in the warm fuzziness of the robe, i (contrary to my past actions) did not skip any obligatory duties this year. i went to work. well...i went, but i didn't really do anything. i spent most of the day talking to people on AIM, answering my phone, and checking facebook.com every 5 minutes for new "happy birthdays" on my wall. speaking of birthdays and facebook...i love that people are so excited to get birthday wishes from friends on that thing, but duh, it's no wonder people send you messages...everyone's birthday is posted on the main page when you sign in...how could you not forget? but regardless of that, it was nice to know that even 1,500 miles away people sent me love. so, thank you to all that wished me a happy day.

when i got home i got my 2nd gift from tim: a goodie bag of yummy pamper yourself things like face masks, bath scrubs and salts, massage oil, and good smelling lotion. all the things a girl needs for a day of pampering herself.

that night i went out to dinner with pretty much all of the people i know here in the bay area. we had a great dinner at a place called postino in lafayette. the best part was that the complementary birthday dessert wasn't just a piece of cake...it was a full sample platter of every sweet thing on the menu. needless to say, i left stuffed and very satisfied with my birthday dinner. (to those of you who were there and might be reading this: thank you for helping me celebrate!)

upon returning to my place i received what i thought was my third, and final, present from tim: a massage. little did i know that the next day i would be enjoying a full body massage, pedicure, and manicure from this place. no offense to him, but the massage i got friday was much better than his...but, i'm not sure he'd argue otherwise. obviously, i took the day off so i could enjoy my spa day and of course, i loved every minute of it. after my morning of relaxation on friday i spent the rest of my day off in my new robe watching entire week of my soap opera that i had TIVO'd. it was pretty much the most relaxing day ever.

so, needless to say, i had a great birthday. again, thanks to everyone who mailed cards, sent e-mails, came to dinner, left blog comments, sent flowers, and called me. you all helped make it a wonderful day.

happy birthday to me (a few days early)...

on sunday tim and i took bandit on a walk around walnut creek. we window shopped for couches and i popped in and out of a few stores looking for the perfect black boots. little did i know that around the corner from those stores was the newest addition to my california life.

as we rounded the corner and faced macy's, it wasn't the adorable outfit in the window that caught my eye...it was the ARF truck. filled with cute, cuddly, sweet kittens. i unnecessarily begged tim to let me go look and quickly ran up to the picture board outside, posted with a detailed bio of each creature inside. one little tabby caught my eye, so i decided to go say hello. upon laying eyes on this cute, orange ball of fur i knew i had found my birthday present. i came out with what i presume was a stupid, giddy grin on my face and tim already knew that another man was about to enter my life.

but...the reasonable side of my fought my immediate reaction to this cute little kitten and i began to walk away. not without asking a few questions though...you know, just for curiosity's sake. then i went back into the truck one more time, just to "say bye." and i proceeded to ask a few more questions. questions bordering on the side of "i'm about to adopt a kitten." i walked out one more tim to see tim and bandit sitting on a bench. i walked up to them and pretty much the first thing out of tim's mouth was: "i'm not going to stop you from getting a kitten."

and so it was. unfortunately, i learned that i had to get a copy of my lease to prove that i could have pets. and, the truck was leaving in 10 minutes. part of me thought it wasn't meant to be...but the part of me that is such a girl called my landlord, secured that she had a copy of my lease within reach, sped back to my apartment, and within 30 minutes showed up at the ARF complex.

(i say "complex" because this place is huge! it's a vet, adoption center, rescue facility, play ground, animal school, etc. it's damn near a disney land for stray animals. well, i guess disney doesn't cut your balls off or pull your girl parts out, but close enough.)

anyway, upon our arrival we were turned away due to the high volume of adoptions that day. and i suddenly reverted to my 8 year old self. i pouted, i whined, and i complained...then my almost 23 year old self returned and i began to bitch. the lady at the adoption truck had told us we could adopt until 5pm. we arrived at 435pm. they claimed i would have to return thursday (with no promise that my kitten would be there) since all of their "adoption professionals" were busy.

so, after about 20 minutes of a very nice man named jim running around trying to help us, he gave me the card of the adoption center boss-lady and told me to call her monday. so i decided it wasn't meant to be and walked out the door...but, alas! halfway to my car jim came running out and told us to wait. he was going to try one more thing. and he did. and it worked! and i started the adoption process.

an hour later - after going through a crazy interview with the adoption professional that included questions like: have you had experience with cats before? what is your view on de-clawing? what kind of cats did you have growing up? how often are you home? do you know how to introduce two cats? and on and on and on. i swear they were going to ask for a piss test! - i was the proud mommy of 14 week old ezekiel (zeke) jonas brown.

*** UPDATE ***
on december 14th, ARF e-mailed me the picture they took of tim and me after i adopted zeke. it's not really a flattering picture considering i hadn't really tried to look my finest that day, but oh well. enjoy!

thinking...

you know that your apartment is small when you can plug your vacuum in by your front door and make it all the way to your closet in your bedroom without it coming un-plugged.

friday afternoon memories...

remember the days when you used to sit by the radio waiting for your favorite song to play? and when you did you would get super excited and scream. you know, back before we had personal mp3 players that cater to our every demand...

number one sign that i have nothing to do at work...

i join myspace.com...and then blog about it.

this waste of time only to adds to my already existing "bored-at-work-accounts" with: facebook.com, theblackstripe.com, and friendster.com.

i think i am "socially networked" to my full capacity via the internet.

to the stalkers out there: stalk away...i've made it easy for ya.