leaving on a jet plane...

(i hope every one of you who read that did so to the tune of the song. )

i fly southwest. i love southwest. and right now southwest loves me, since i've given them over $1,200 over the past two months. and in case you've never flown southwest, there are no assigned seats. you get your boarding pass, stand in one of 4 lines (preboarding, a, b, or c), then get on the plane and pick your seat. this is where things get interesting...

watching people find a seat on a plane is like watching kids decide which desk they want on the first day of school. nobody wants to sit next to the smelly guy, it will make you stink too. sit next to the business man and you'll be listening to incessant typing for hours. moms with crying babies...forget it. nobody enjoys wailing as their in-flight soundtrack. and heaven forbid you take the seat up at the front (that's where the flight attendants can see you), even if there is more leg room. plus, if you do take that seat, you have a chance of getting kicked out for some cane-using grandma or child traveling alone with a backpack full of video games.

everyone has their preference. some will walk slowly, dragging their carry-on suitcase that's a little too full all the way to the end of the plane in order to get that perfect window seat (they all have a great view people...i mean, come on...you're 30,000 feet in the air, what can't you see?), or others will rush to the airport two hours early so they can get on the plane and grab the first isle seat. and nobody ever wants the middle seat...the elbow room is sparse there.

and as for the people who take the emergency exit row, i've decided they are one of two types of people. (a) they want to be the cool kid in class and have a chance to save the day or (b) they are so f'ing scared of flying they don't care about anybody else and just want to get the hell off the plane if anything goes wrong.

so where do i sit you ask? by the window (any window, on either side) where i can see the wing. that way i can enjoy the scenery below but if the wing or engine falls off i'll be aware of the situation.

and i must say as well...i feel bad for all you people flying other airlines...sure they have first class and full meals, but who else has big purple planes?

tidbits before i hit the road...

well, i figured that since i'm leaving the great country of texas today, for yet another trip to the west coast, i would leave my loyal fans with a few things to read...just in case i don't get a chance to post while i'm there this next week. for some reason my creative juices are not flowing at the moment, so i feel compelled to share a few random things i've come across in the last week or so. but don't worry...of course i managed to scramble in a bit of social commentary as well.

1. SEX VS. TECHNOLOGY: alright, so after going through time magazine's 50 coolest websites i discovered a site called overheard in new york.com. it's just a place for people in nyc to post things they overheard during the day...i recommend it to those bored at work, it's some decent entertainment. if the new york one doesn't suit your fancy, try this: overheard in the office.com anyway, so one of my recent favorites it's this one, posted today:

three JHS boys pass a woman in a tight t-shirt and mini-skirt talking on her cell. one stares slack-jawed, then says to his buddies: "wow! that was the new Motorola." (79th Street between Columbus & Amsterdam)

and the winner is...technology! thanks to my two younger brothers (who are in 7th and 9th grade), i knew this already. your cell phone is now a huge factor in your junior high popularity rating. apparently it wasn't enough to be judged by your clothes, hair, acessories, activities, and parent's car...now you can be ridiculed by your peers for not having the "in" communication device. awesome.

2. CASABLANCA VS. CASABLANCA: after tivoing AFI's 100 greatest movie quotes of all time last week, i finally got to number one this last week. and unless you're not too into the movie scene, you probably can guess that movies like "the godfather," "citizen cane," and "when harry met sally" are on the list. but, would you have expected "caddy shack" to be on there? of course taking the cake with the most quotes on the top 100 was "casablanca." although, with 6 quotes on the list, the ultimate love story did not take the #1 spot.

"FRANKLY, MY DEAR, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN." ("gone with the wind," 1939)

i think it was a good choice...it took balls to stand up to scarlet, and after 222 minutes of endless bitching, it was about time somebody put her in her place. here's to you clark gable.

3. MOM VS. DAUGHTER: so while packing for my trip this morning i flip on the boob toob and settle for yet another trashy vh1/mtv (can anyone tell the difference) show. this one was entitled "date my mom." basic premise: boy meets 3 moms, moms tell boy about their daughter while doing some crazy activity (sumo wrestling, batting cages, paddle boating), and then boy picks who he wants to date based on their moms. and of course, don't forget to insert some staged reactions from boy. pretty simple, pretty stupid. but what i want to see is the guy who comes on to the show with the pure intent to date the moms, not the daughters. now that would make for some interesting trashy dating.

so that's it for now...really just wanted to make sure all those avid readers of mine didn't die of boredom and lack of posting. adios for now...california here i come (again).

royality at its finest...

a few days ago i was perusing the cable stations and stumbled across a discovery channel show on the hope diamond. yes, i realize that this is huge proof that i am a dork, but at this point in my life i have come to accept it.

anyway, so at one point in the show they were discussing the ways in which jewels symbolized esteemed royalty and was only worn by kings and queens back in the day. they also mentioned that diamonds (like the hope) were very rare and that the only people who could afford them were royalty and the church (good to know that governing bodies and the church were as close knit then as they are today). so, yah...all of the royalty that governed over europe was rich and owned diamonds.

so i started thinking. how often do you see our president wearing diamonds and crown jewels? the most expensive thing he wears is probably a custom made armani suit and tie. but hell, who can really tell the difference between that and a suit from ross (dress for less!)...and who really cares? so if our governing ruler doesn't sport the bling, then who does? and why?

we study in high school that 200 years ago kings and queens ran all of european countries. they determined the laws and set the rules and they were the people that the peasants followed. little girls grew up wanting to marry the prince...little boys wanted to be knights in shining armor. this is still somewhat true for europe...but not for us.

stay with me...

our kids want to grow up and be famous. they want to dress like hillary duff and marry tom cruise (thank you katie holmes). there is no desire to "be king," but there is a desire to be "the king of pop" (although, maybe not now as much as in the past). our pop princess, ms. spears (or should i say mrs. federline), began the fashion trends we see today. and instead of becoming "knighted" or honored by the king with medals, people want to grow up and earn oscar and grammy awards to decorate their shelves with. we grow up learning slang from celebrities and doing our hair in hopes we will be mistaken for jennifer aniston. nobody wonders if it's the president in the limo next to them...they want to know if it's somebody famous. it's not princesses getting run off the road by paperatzi in the u.s.a., it's "stars" like lindsey lohan. and who wears the bling today? the rappers and their girlfriends.

can you imagine george w. bush walking around with a scepter and diamond studded hat? the image of that makes me want to vomit on the spot. but our society has come to accept that our celeb-royality shall set the standard. no child goes to their parents saying "mommy, daddy, i want to grow up and be a corrupt asshole that runs the country for my personal gain." they just go buy the most revealing clothes possible, invest in prada backpacks, and aspire to be the next 15 minute multi-talented singer/dancer/actress that the world worships for a year and then hates because she stole somebody else’s boyfriend that was way too old for them anyway.

so one day, when our generations great, great, great, great, great grandchildren are studying american society in the 21st century, i'm convinced they are going to think we were a culture ruled by the cast of the real world and that tina turner (or ophra...) was once our queen.

i tivoed the real world...

alright...it's got to be blogged: THE REAL WORLD: Austin. (the link is for the pop-culture idiots among us) yes, i am watching this season (for those of you who said i would finally give in, you win...congrats). but, for what it's worth, it's set in austin, texas and i must admit that it's pretty cool to have been the places that are now on t.v. that, and they always give them an awesome house and who doesn't want to drool over the ultimate party house that you'll never have. oh, and of course, the show is laced with eye candy, because nobody ugly is allowed to be on mtv anymore.

of course, the other side of my watching the 16th season of the original reality t.v. show is to feed my growing love for trashy television. i'm retreating back to the days of hot, boring summers when i became addicted to sally jesse rafael, montel williams, and maury povich. now i just watch that crap on cable! but of course, i am still balancing my c.t.v. (crap television) with a solid half hour of news every night at 10pm cst on comedy central.

but anyway...yes, i will be watching (along side every other teenager in america). THE REAL WORLD: Austin. but, what i propose is that before they go on any further, they need to change the name to THE REAL WORLD: The Ultimate Dating Game. come on...they open the show by introducing the housemates in pairs...all boy-girl. and of course they meet in various places around the city that just happen to be a tad bit romantic. then they share a lovely commute (via horse-drawn carriage, ferry, or beautiful hill country drive) to meet the rest of their stunningly beautiful roommates.

of course, though i must mention the one "artsy girl" (as it was put tonight). the girl that isn't ass-ugly, but isn't abnormally pretty. the one who was quiet in high school and found a happy little niche in college (or hairdresser school in this case), became what she wanted to be, and ultimately leads a normal and happy life. until the real world gets a hold of her. this girl...she will be the outcast. because god forbid the most "normal" cast member be accepted into the pool of hormone dripping, egotistical, alcoholic weirdoes.

anyway...so they meet, they move into the best party house ever (hot tub, make out room, pool table, cushy furniture everywhere), and then they drink. okay, pop quiz: what does

six people between the ages of 19 and 23
+ a nice house made for partying
- all ugliness
+ an unlimited supply of alcohol
- chaperones
+ a huge college/party town with tons of bars
__________________________
a real world baby

at least that's my prediction. sooner or later somebody is going to knock somebody up on reality t.v. i think mtv will be the first to do it. if it doesn't happen, i'm going to be highly disappointed in the upcoming months.

but, regardless of my predictions and my addiction to trashy t.v., all i can really say is that i hope trojan is sponsoring this season.

i like to have a story at the end of my day...

well, after an eventful trip back to the east bay area, i have returned a changed woman. okay, not really...but, i did meet sponge bob, "climb" a mountain, and experience northern california drivers up close and personal.

sponge bob made his appearance at "great america" on friday and it was a pleasure to make his aquaintaince (we even got to see his pineapple under the sea!). along with meeting great celebrities, i was also privledged to scramble my inards on the best rollar-coaster ever. elmo was also spotted in the theme park, but unfortinately his experience was not as positive as mine. overall, i think the best part about paramount studio's shrine to its tv and movie productions was the bumper cars. maybe that's where people in california learned to drive...

i also learned that while most things in texas are bigger than other places, california boasts the largest pine cones ever known to man (or at least known to me). and no i did not return with state park contraband in my suitcase...

several bottles of wine were also enjoyed during my west-bound vacation and it's true that a glass of wine is better at sunset. i must make sure to recomend stopping and enjoying the next wine-tasting you stumble upon. for merely $1.00, i was lucky enough to sample 4 wines and successfuly leave the grocery store with a mild buzz. who can complain about that?

along with finding steriod-dripping pine cones on my adventure to the top of mount diablo (the devil!), i was shown the reason california is "the golden state." during my moment of clarity, my fellow traveler was discovering the west. (think "go west young man" while viewing.)

and the best line from the entire trip: "yah, isn't it funny how things work when you do them the right way."

and will i miss it you ask? not for long...i'm headed back in less than 2 weeks.

inspiration from an e-mail tangent...

let me preface this entry: a lot of this was written as part of an e-mail to a good friend of mine. he started the whole e-sation (that's electronic-conversation for you computer illiterate out there) with some comments on where the morality of the younger generations is headed and how older generations affect that, yada yada yada. and somehow divorce came up in that tangent, and so, as a child of divorce myself, i felt compelled to reply to that topic. eventually i came back around to the original issue at hand. this is my response (edited in order for it to make sense to those of you reading it out of context):

i don't think divorce is right and i don't think it should happen, but after living through 3 of them, i know that they do happen and that i am in no position to tell people that they shouldn't go through with them. people are stupid...they don't always think things through and they usually pay for it (whether it be emotionally and/or via legal fees). and because i realize this, i know that when the time comes for me to decide if i'm going to marry somebody it will not be a light decision by any means. hell, i don't even know if i could answer somebody on the spot when they propose to me. it's not like deciding what you're going to have for dinner...it's deciding who you want to eat dinner with for the rest of your life. but at the same time, i struggle with the whole thing because i know that people do change, certain events occur in people's lives, and sometimes nothing can be done. now, i don't think people should give up on marriages just because of small differences, but there are times when nobody can do anything about the changes that occur. and in those cases, divorce may be the only option and it works out better for both involved parties. and if that happens in my life, then well...i'll cross that bridge when i get there.

now, onwards to the "right vs wrong" topic: ethics and morality change with each generation. it's part of what we call progress. one generation feels X way, and their kids don't like it, so they rebel and feel Y way. their kids, well they don't like their parents' ideas, and probably don't like their grandparents' either, so they compromise, combine a few of the old ways with new ways, and follow their own rules, forming Z way. and as generations continue, each one forms new ideas based on previous ones. it's pretty much how everything progresses (inventions, religion, government). there is no clear answer, nor will there ever be.

but, what is important is that one comes to terms with this and finds their own balance of what is right and wrong, and live their life. sure, there are rules set by the government and by your religion (if you choose to follow one), but if you don't want to live by those rules, you have the option to leave the state/country or swap belief systems (unless of course your religion says "though shall not change your mind" - and if it does...screw it, people are allowed to change their mind). or, you stay, violate them, and face the consequences. as long as one realizes their options and each options' results.

then, you do your best to set a good example for those following in your footsteps, but you must realize that those people behind you might not agree. i think that is where we get into trouble. people get too pissed off when somebody doesn't agree with them. everyone is different...it's the basis on which america was founded...we didn't like the way things were, so we picked up and moved. and over the course of our existence we've developed into what we are today. and 200 years from now, it will all be different still.

so back to what is "right and wrong." no, i don't think 12 years old girls should wear the crap they are today (seriously, nobody without boobs should be wearing a low cut shirt meant to exploit a woman's cleavage). but, one must realize that if a parent decides that it's okay for their daughter to dress that way, then that is their choice. you do not have the right to tell somebody else how to raise their kids. but if one decides it's okay for their daughter to dress that way and in turn they violate some rule (a school dress code for example), then they should pay the price. again, as long as people respect each others differences then we'll be okay.

and i do realize that the things i call "wrong" above have occurred is because of the current "idols" in the media. but, like morals and beliefs, types of idols change too. sure kids' role models today are not like those of the 1950's, but it goes back to the whole progress thing...times change and currently the entertainment industry is going through a boom. everyone and their dog is famous, whether it be for 5 seconds or 15 years. and everyone knows it, so everyone is capitalizing on it - welcome to america (we sell everything, even patriotism!). now granted, i don't like the people kids look up today and i personally have no aspirations to be the next super-fashion, singing, dancing, and acting bulimic hillary lohan (i swear, they are all the same), but i don't think my parents necessarily liked the fact that i looked up to madonna (think dick tracey era) and wanted to marry the new kids on the block.

but, while i do think that the smuttiness of today's teeny-bopper idols is way over the stop, i am in no position to say anything to anyone else about who their kid looks up to. i can though, teach my children (which will not exists for a long time, let me tell you) to recognize the limits of looking up to somebody and help them realize that they don't have to be like somebody else to be somebody...

42...

alright, so i was driving through the park the other day (as i do every day on the way to or from work) and my mind began to wander. but not to the point that i wasn't paying attention...i just drifted for a few seconds while watching the geese sleep next to the river. anyway, so i was thinking about the world. (am i being vague enough?) yah, you know, the world in general. how did we get to where we are today. and for what reasons has the earth become what we know it as now? even NASA is just realizing that there is so much we don’t know about space (read the latest issue of discovery magazine, on shelves now a your local five and dime).

my thought pattern at the time was probably due to the fact that i am in the middle of “the ultimate hitchhikers guide to the galaxy” (all 5 books in one). but…really…think about it. not only about the types of other life forms that might be out there, but think about their cultures, their worlds, and their countries they have created. if they even have countries. maybe they have carlmbads.

and i think a lot of people here on earth are mildly egocentric to think that other planets have similar landforms on them. how do we know that elements that don't exist on our galaxy formed with other atoms through ways that defy our physics to make something that we couldn't ever dream up.

and what is the purpose of us being here (and other things elsewhere)? are we where we are today because of complete randomness, or did something/one have a purpose…or could it be that our planet “poofed” into existence all because a 5 year old kid on another planet blew out his birthday candles and wished for a planet to play with and little people to watch. how do we know we're not just a toy?

okay, time for ice cream.