a proper sunday...

...with comics and everything.



"Over The Hedge." Austin American Statesman. May 29, 2005.

i stole this off a friend's away message...

One Enormous Omelet Sandwich from Burger King contains: (per their website)

730 Calories
420 Calories from fat
47g of total fat
17g of sat. fat
1 g of trans fat
415 mg of cholesterol
1860 mg of sodium
43 g total carbs
3 g dietary fiber
9 g total sugars
32 g protein

I took this line straight from their website: "Get out of bed and into a BURGER KING®. It's a great way to start the day out right."

(and yes, checking away messages often fills the empty boring moments i have after i get off work in the middle of the afternoon.)

warning: boredom can cause cancer...

alright, here's a question for all of you post-grad, real world, full-time job working folks: what the hell do you do with your evenings? how do you fill your post work hours and still feel that you are fulfilling a meaningful life. because i'll tell you something, the first three weeks of working (granted, it's not a real job, but it's a job) post-college degree have been mindlessly dull. i think the most exciting thing i've done is WD40 my bike gears. (okay, not really...that was just the highlight of this specific evening.)

i've tried reading...it starts to put me to sleep after about an hour. so i watch a little television. that leads to nothing but me feeling like my brain is oozing shit. and i'm off to the internet after that. but if i have to acknowledge that the united states media is where it is today i'll projectile vomit all over my desk. back to the living room...into my room to check on the cat (it's about the only thing i can think of to get my ass off the couch). run to starbucks and pay $2 for something i can make infinite amounts of in my apartment. the sun has set and i'm back home.

so, really...any suggestions? i know, take up a hobby. well, if i had money to do that i would. you think it hasn't crossed my mind? i find myself becoming increasingly irritable because i have nothing to do. my mind wanders and because there's nothing else to think about, i start to ponder all of the things that bother me and the reasons they do so. that only entertains me so long because eventually i try and figure out why my very own thought process is annoying.

i guess this is what adjusting to "the real world" (as my parents fondly call it) feels like.

when to stop listening to your computer...

when microsoft word tells you to use "i is" instead of "i am."

diarrhea of the mouth...

dear "fans,"

please accept the following apology for my lack of ability to update my blog.
I'M SORRY.
now...onwards to the explanation/justification for my laziness.

as of may 7th, i am a college graduate with a BA in BS (i.e. i double majored in communication studies and english). i have moved into "my first apartment" (it sounds like some baby toy created and marketed to make the child feel more grown up). and i found a job. okay, so i have a degree and i'm working at a local restaurant. but hey, it pays the bills, right?

anyway...upon my graduation day i was instructed to line up an hour prior to the processional into the gym. little did i know that when i entered that room, hundreds of people were going to stand up and begin clapping. for me. now, i realize that not everyone was there for me in particular, but one must admit that the pride radiating from the roar of clapping was for all 261 of us walking across that stage.

blah blah blah instrumental music (that sounded somewhat similar to tom and jerry cartoon themes). blah blah blah introduction. blah blah blah boom. the president of my school declared me qualified to receive a degree. declared me done. declared me a college graduate. the weight that lifted off of my shoulders could not be understood by anybody. i was done. no more class. no more books. (no more teachers dirty looks.)

and of course, as with any graduation ceremony, there is the speaker. oh, but of course, we didn't have your average speaker. we had to bring in somebody who would stir up trouble. and not the good kind. the kind that ends up ticking people off and making people stir uncomfortable in their bleacher seats. we had the kind of speaker that uses the word "diarrhea" in his speech.

now, i must admit that within the first 3 minutes of his delivery, i tuned the guy out. his voice was boring and he didn't look like he wanted to be there. and i had better things to think about...like trying to figure out what i was going to do later that night and the fact that i hadn't gotten my mom anything for mother's day. so as i got lost in the twiddling of my thumbs and smart ass comments to my fellow graduates, i suddenly hear the word "diarrhea" boom over the surround sound system and echo off the walls.

as i was shocked back into listening i realized he was listing symptoms of hiv/aids and explaining what his patients went through. great...so i'm passing through a doorway into a life of my own and you're describing what it's like to suffer from one of the most horrifying diseases known to man. and to add to all of that, he proceeded to discuss "men having sex with other men" and the ways in which people are biologically predestined to be drug addicts. lovely...just lovely.

so, no, i will not be remembering my graduation speaker for his witty anecdotes or mildly truthful undertones. nor will i quote him 5 years from now as one of the most influential speakers of my life time. no, he will be filed under "college graduation speaker who used the word 'diarrhea' in my commencement ceremony."

following the somewhat odd applause for our speaker, i crossed the stage. "shake with the right, take the diploma with the right, smile at the camera, and RUN!" it was hard not to run out that side door...just leave and blow a big kiss to the audience. but, then i would have missed the 2 mile line of professors and staff standing in my honor as i walked out 30 minutes later. i would have missed my favorite professor and the closest thing to a mentor i have stopping me and giving me a huge hug while telling me "congratulations." i would have missed the giant photo of the other people who "did it" too. and i would have missed seeing the look in my family's eyes when they hugged me for the first time as a college graduate.

now, i realize i got a bit sappy there at the end, but bear with it. i just graduate from college. apparently that's a big deal or something...so i'm going to be proud and revel in the memories of that day. so, while i'm on the emotional train, i must also say thank you to everyone who encouraged me along the way - no matter what way that was. whether you were the person who drug me off my freshman hall to fraternity row, the person who picked up when i sleeplessly dialed for homework help at 2am, or the person who pushed me through the last few weeks that i didn't want to go on. thank you to the people who took me in when i needed a place to "get way" and to the people who pushed me off their doorstep at 4am. thank you to my roommates for having patience with me and to my sisters for providing just the right amount of "girl time." thank you to all my friends and family and teachers. the past four years of my life have been like no other and i would never change a thing...

...except for the fact that my graduation speaker used the word "diarrhea."